


The transformation

by Cherry_Sofa_729



Series: Unfortunate Circumstances [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Transformation, Arguing, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Fever, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Graphic Description of Pain, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Parental Deceit | Janus Sanders, Parenthood, Poverty, Protective Siblings, Reading, Reading with kids, Sick Character, Sickfic, Skipping Meals, Spider Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Vomiting, Whump, asking for help, siblings arguing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Sofa_729/pseuds/Cherry_Sofa_729
Summary: Virgil is growing his spider legs. The whole process is a lot more painful than Janus would like
Series: Unfortunate Circumstances [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050605
Comments: 31
Kudos: 154





	1. Growing Pains

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of blood and gore in chapter one, but the other chapters should be relatively chill

Janus uncomfortably used to pain. 

Both his and others. Skinned knees, twisted ankles, “mama, my stomach hurts!” “Mama, my throat hurts!” 

And he had become far too comfortable with headaches. 

He was currently nursing one such headache when the door to his bedroom creaked open. 

“Mama?” Oh, Virgil had got out of his crib again. 

He hummed and forced himself up. “What’s up, sweetie? It’s late, you should be in bed.” It was pitch black outside, probably one o’clock in the morning. Too late for both mama and baby. 

“Can’t sleep.” Virgil said, coming over and trying to crawl onto Janus’ much larger bed. He used Janus’ blanket-covered leg like a rung on a ladder, his tiny, too-sharp nails digging into his skin.

Janus winced. “Why can’t you sleep, my shadow?” He asked, opening his arm up for Virgil to crawl into. He pulled the ratty, thin blanket around him to keep him warm. 

“Back hurts when I lay down.”

Janus clicked his tongue in sympathy and moved his arm lower to avoid pressure on Virgil’s back. “What kind of pain is it? Does it ache or sting?”

“I-I-it’s like when Remus presses my bruises.”

Janus sighed. He’d have to talk to Remus about touching everything he found pretty. 

“Did you try laying on your front?”

“Yeah, but then I felt like I was sur-surf-surfercating.”

“Suffocating?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Remus teach you that word?”

Virgil stayed quiet. Which meant he definitely learned that word from Remus. He squeaked under the pressure and shoved his head into Janus’ armpit. “Oh, I’ve got a burrowing spider here with me!” Jan joked, as Virgil squirmed and wiggled under his mama’s arm. 

He summoned more arms, scooped Virgil up and held him close to his chest. 

“Let’s head back to your room, and I’ll see what I can do, okay?” 

“Kay.” Virgil sucked on his thumb and squirmed in his arms. 

Virgil’s nursery used to be a closet. Or, it was supposed to be a closet. Remus had his own room for the time being, but soon they would be sharing, once V outgrew his crib. 

The crib itself was on its last legs. At least Jan could use the wood for firewood once it finally broke 

He sat Virgil down on his bum on the plastic mattress protector. “Okay, lay on your side.” Virgil did, getting settled with his shoulder in the way. This was certainly more comfortable than before, but his back still hurt. 

“That better?”

“Still hurts.” 

Janus hummed and brushed Virgil’s hair off of his forehead. “I’m sorry, little one. There’s not much I can do.”

Virgil huffed and whimpered. His brow furrowed as the pain spiked in four spots, near his shoulders, and down near his hips. “It hurts mama!”

Janus’ heart ached. “I know, I know. It happened to me, it happened to Remus, and now it’s happening to you.” He said softly, still petting Virgil’s hair. He was too young to remember when Remus’ limbs burst out of his back, and neither of his kids remembered when it happened to Jan. 

Virgil was too young, he didn’t deserve this. Not Virgil. Maybe Janus deserved it, the pain, the monstrous form, but Virgil didn’t. 

He hated being a parent sometimes. He hated watching both his kids suffer. He hated watching them go hungry-

He took a deep breath and made his face into a impassive mask. “Listen, it won’t hurt for long.” That was a lie. “I’m sure it will fine in the morning.” This was just to comfort him, he had to lie, it wasn’t to be mean, it was to help him…

Virgil whimpered. “Mama-“

He couldn’t listen to Virgil cry and beg anymore. He just couldn’t. 

“Gnight, my shadow.” He said, pulling the blanket up and over Virgil’s shaking shoulders. 

As he left the room, he let out a deep sigh. He barely had the energy left to trek over to his bed. 

He lied to Virgil. 

Well, what else was he supposed to say? Was he just supposed to admit that Virgil would be in pain for weeks? 

Why was parenting so fucking  hard ? 

He didn’t want to watch Virgil go through that. He didn’t want to watch Virgil scream and cry as limbs burst from his skin. 

Janus took a breath and settled down into bed. He had get a good nights sleep if he wanted to function tomorrow. 

—————

Tomorrow, Virgil woke up in pain. 

He cried out for his mama, but he wasn’t the one who responded. 

“Virgil?”

“R-r-Ree?” Virgil gasped. His back hurt so bad! “I want mama!”

“He’s sleeping.” A tentacle went to fidget with the latch on his crib. “But I can help!”

The bars slid down and Virgil forced himself up on his butt. Remus looked at him, grinning, his front tooth gap currently filled with a raisin, making it look like his tooth had rotten. 

“You want some raisins?” Remus said, dumping the small cardboard box out onto the mattress protector. 

Virgil grabbed a couple and tried to calm down enough to eat. 

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked. 

“My back hurts.” Virgil sniffled, chewing his raisin. 

“Oh.” Remus’ tentacles gently poked and prodded around his back, making Virgil whimper and cry. 

“Stop! That hurts!”

“Okay, okay.” Remus retracted his tentacles and cocked his head to the side. “You have lumps on your back.”

“R-r-really?” Virgil tried to twist around. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry though! I had a big lump and then my tentacles came out of it!” Remus grabbed his hand and tugged him out of his crib. “Let’s go wake mama!”

Virgil whimpered as he was pulled down the hall. “Wait!” He cried, yanking his hand out of Remus’. 

Remus stopped, turning to look at his baby brother. 

Virgil was fidgeting with his onesie sleeves. “C-can you get me the frozen peas.” 

Remus softened, biting his lip. “It really hurts, doesn’t it.” 

Virgil nodded, Remus grabbing his hand again and pulling him over to the kitchen this time. He opened the freezer, grabbed the half eaten bag of frozen peas and a towel. He wrapped the bag in the towel and used a safety pin to pin the cloth to Virgil’s onesie. The result was the bag of peas staying around his back in a sort of swaddle. 

“There! Now let’s go wake mama!”

The cold sensation numbed the pain until it was barely a problem, and Virgil ran after Remus with a big smile. 

They crept into mama’s room. Now, their mama was the heaviest sleeper in the world. He did not wake up for anything. 

But, anyone would wake up if two small children suddenly jumped onto their stomach. 

“OOF!” Janus cried, snapping awake. “BOYS!” He snarled, grabbing Remus by his shirt collar and yanking him off his stomach. “How many times have I told you NOT to wake me!”

Remus giggled manically and Virgil copied him.He had been doing that a lot lately, mimicking and imitating Janus and Remus. Janus liked to think it was his Mama’s trait rubbing off on him. 

That’s when Janus noticed the makeshift cold compress around Virgil

“Is your back still hurting, love?” 

“Mm hmm.” Virgil nodded, running his fingers over Janus’ scales. 

He clicked his tongue. “I’m sorry darling. What have the two of you been up to this morning?”

“We had raisins! But we’re still hungry.”

“Okay loves. How’s some oatmeal sound, huh?” 

They whined in response as Janus summoned four more arms to scoop them up and head to the kitchen. 

—————

After helping Virgil drink his water and telling Remus to stop playing with his oatmeal, breakfast was done. 

Janus didn’t have anything, no matter how loud his stomach growled. He waited until they finished and then ate their cold leftovers. 

That way, they weren’t wasting anything. 

He looked through the barren cupboards. He might have to skip lunch today too in order to stretch this out till next Monday, when the Mindscape would dump another pile of food on them. 

At this rate, he’d have to poke another hole in his belt to get it tight enough around his waist.

But he made a promise when all of this started, that he would never, ever, give his children sleep for dinner. 

—————

“So, what do you guys wanna do today?” Janus asked, wiping his hands dry and coming to sit with Remus and Virgil. 

“Dolls!” Remus exclaimed, as Virgil struggled up onto the couch. 

He leaned on his mama’s lap and shrugged. “I just wanna take nap.”

“A nap, baby.”

“I jus’ wanna take a nap.”

“Alright. On your own or do you also want cuddles?”

“Cuddles please.”

“That’s perfectly fine. Remus? You can play with your dolls  _quietly_.”

Remus huffed but didn’t argue as he grabbed the sticks wearing napkin clothes he called his dolls. He immediately started reenacting a bloody murder and the following crime investigation. 

Virgil cuddled into his mama’s lap and let his eyes fall shut. The peas were removed and he flinched, whining. 

His head was heavy and fuzzy. He shifted. The pain crawled across his back like ants, forming in four clusters at his hips and shoulders. 

Ow, owww… it hurt, it hurt so bad! 

Something was crawling under his skin! There was something stuck inside him!

“MAMA!” He shrieked. “There’s something inside me!”

“Oh shit, it’s time already?! Fuck!” Janus sounded panicked. “Remus, get the mattress!” Virgil opened his eyes slightly to see Remus looking at him with huge, panicked eyes. What was happening to him? Remus wants scared of anything, why was he looking so frightened?!

Jan was moving Virgil, oh it hurt so bad… worse than a splinter, worse than stinging nettles, his skin felt like it was being stretched, twisted, pulled until it snapped.

He couldn’t stop screaming, he couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe…

He was put on something soft and squishy. This was a bit better, as he curled into a ball and screamed into his knees. He needed- he needed his skin to snap. To break. To free whatever was struggling underneath, pulling at his bones and snapping his tendons, he needed blood to pour from giant open wounds. 

He struggled to breathe. His lungs felt strained. Cold cloths were laid across his back,and Mama pushed his hair back away from his face. 

Virgil looked up into his mama’s face, obscured by his tears. 

“Push, my darling.” Janus sounded far away, hazy, but Virgil could tell he was terrified. “The cracks are already forming, you just need to push them out, okay?”

Virgil pushed, and oh, that was so much worse. He screamed horrendously loud as he pushed and the things inside him fought, ripping his skin to be free. 

Something wet and warm flowed down his back. “Yes, just like that.” Janus said softly, trying to stay brave for him. “Push again.”

His skin was ripping apart. Surely, it was. The pain was too great. He could feel the blood run down his back. 

“Virgil, push.”

He couldn’t, he was too tired, in too much pain, he couldn’t do it anymore.

“Virgil, push right now!”

He tried, screaming as the pain gripped him again. “NO MORE!” He shouted, falling onto the mattress, exhausted from his efforts and the never ending pain. 

“Virgil, love, I need you to push, okay?” Janus sounded frantic. “They’re only halfway out-“

He wouldn’t, he couldn’t, there was no way! He didn’t care what was halfway out his body, he wanted whatever it was to go back in and STAY THERE! “No!”

“Virgil!” Janus snapped. “Push! Now!” 

“No! It hurts!”

“I know it hurts but you need to push! It’ll stop hurting if you get them out, okay?”

“NO!” He wouldn’t, he didn’t care what would happen, he wouldn’t do it anymore!

“Virgil, listen to mommy. Push.”

“NO!”

“VIRGIL ANXIETY SANDERS YOU LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW!”

“NOOOO!”

Janus let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. “Okay! Okay then!” He said frantically, running to the kitchen and grabbing the sharpest knife he owned. “I wanted you do take the easy way but if you won’t push them out yourself, I’m gonna have to pull them out!” He sanitized the knife and ran back to Virgil. 

Virgil shrieked. “MAMA MAMA NO PLEASE NO!” He didn’t want them out!

The sharp sting of the knife carving down his back made him shriek and cry out. Janus held his hand, letting him squeeze as tight as he wanted. 

Something was moving. A part of  _ him  _ was moving, stretching through the deep cuts Janus made. They tore his skin to shreds as they burst out, new nerve endings tingling as new veins were pumped full of new blood. 

Virgil had never screamed so much in his life. This was agony, pure, unbridled agony. Like hellfire, like the torture methods Remus had told him about. 

As they were freed, though, flexing and stretching and finding their place as joints popped and exoskeleton cracked, the pain started to fade. He took in deep, panicked breaths, feeling the blood run over his back and drip onto the mattress, warm and sticky. 

Janus sighed with relief. Thank god. “Okay, they’re out, but I need to stitch up the wounds.” 

The blood was washed off with warm cloths. Virgil looked up at his mama to see him biting his lip, his face an expression of intense focus. 

“This is going to hurt, angel, okay? Probably not as bad as before, but still.” He said, grabbing his sewing needle and thick black thread. 

The stitches did hurt. They were messy and uneven and Mama swore a lot. Virgil tried to stay still, which wasn’t hard with how tired he was. 

“There.” Janus sighed with relief, wiping away then remaining blood and trying to stanch the rest of the bleeding as much as possible. Virgil had lost a lot of blood, he’d probably be at least a little woozy. 

“Remus, grab Virgil some dried apple slices.”

“Why does he get some?! Those are treats!”

He did NOT have a drop of patience left for Remus right now. “REMUS I SWEAR TO GOD-“

“Okay! Okay!”

Virgil whimpered as Janus pushed the cloths into his back to stop the bleeding. Janus helped him sit up, and he almost toppled over. His head felt heavy and woozy. 

His back was heavy. 

_ Click click, click clack. _

“Mama, w-w-what came out of me?”

Janus smiled tensely, but with pride. “Your legs, darling.”

—————

Janus was going to have flashbacks to this for the rest of his life. 

Those legs, fighting to be freed, tangled into a clump of tissues, blood and bone. His child, covered in blood, crying and screaming. 

Remus’ tentacles were squishy, slick, easily freed from his back. Virgil’s rigid spider legs were much harder to force out, requiring more tearing of the skin. 

“Your legs, darling.” He said, trying not to cry. 

Virgil shut his eyes and whimpered, but nodded. 

Janus quickly went to the bathroom to grab a roll of gauze and a few child painkillers. He would’ve given them sooner, but there was no time.

He came back to see him tiredly munching on dried apple slices with Remus. Remus came up to him and wordlessly gave him a tight hug around his legs before running off. Jan sighed. At least he’d be out of the way now. 

He helped Virgil take the painkillers, they were the drowsy type so he’d be conked out in a bit. Then, he painstakingly bandaged the stitched up wounds. Wrapping white gauze around and around the bloody, fleshy stitches. 

Once that was done, the poor thing looked ready for bed. 

Janus brought him upstairs, laid him down on his stomach, tucked him in all snug, and kissed him on the top of his head. 

“Just think about all the fun things you’ll get to discover your new legs can do.” He said softly, hoping to send his child off with good dreams. 

After he was sure Virgil was asleep, he back to the living room. 

And broke down. 

There was so much blood everywhere! The mattress was covered in it, which will take hours to clean. The metallic stench immediately overwhelmed him, and where was Remus? Where did he go?

He fell to his knees. Virgil nearly died.  Virgil nearly _died_.  At the age of 3. 

When did his back start hurting? Remus complained for weeks about his pain, was Virgil just hiding it? Or did it really come on that suddenly?

Jan clutched his head, sobbing, remembering the screams of his baby. If only he had gotten painkillers sooner, then maybe he would’ve pushed harder, maybe there’d be less blood, maybe he wouldn’t have had to  sew up his youngest’s wounds with sewing thread. 

Janus’ sobs were quiet, of course, god forbid he wake Virgil or let Remus know he was upset. 

He needed to calm down. He needed to make dinner for himself and Remus, clean up all the blood, and finish everything else on his list today. He needed to relax. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop shaking. He wouldn’t be able to clean like this! He had to stop crying, cmon, get a grip, Janus, your kids need you. 

A little help, that’s all he needed. Just a little help. 

The liquor cabinet was always locked, of course, but unlike everything else in this house, it was seemingly always fully stocked. So, when Janus really needed to relax, he’d reach for a bottle. 

His hands shook as he unscrewed the bottle of whisky. He took a couple sips, winced, and set the bottle down. He had work to do. He could drink while he cleaned. 


	2. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fact that Janus didn’t clean Virgil’s wound was a big mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a lot of description of illnesses, including pus and vomit

The next day, Virgil woke up sick. 

He knew that, of course, the fuzzy head, snotty nose, and the aching throb of his back. It wasn’t hard to tell. 

He didn’t know why he was sick, all he knew was that apparently someone Up There hated him enough to make him go through all that pain and now get him sick. 

He curled back up in his blanket, hands crossed over his swirly tummy. 

—————

Downstairs, Janus woke up on the couch with a bit of a hangover. Not a bad one, just enough to give him a dry mouth and a headache. 

He went to the kitchen to get water. As he passed the sink, he saw the bottle of soap. 

Soap. Why did that make something itch in his brain. 

Did… did he clean Virgil’s wound before he bandaged it? 

He did, right? Right?!

Shit. SHIT! 

He ran upstairs and into Virgil’s room. 

The poor thing was already whimpering, face flushed and cheeks bright red with what Janus suspected was a fever. Shit. A fever already, the wound was definitely infected. 

“Sweetie, sit up please.” Virgil whined as he was picked up in Janus’ arms and carried to the bathroom. “I need to clean your wound.”

He unwrapped the bandages, and used the shower head to wash the wound clean. 

Well, as clean as possible. The cuts were bright red, puffy, and and smelled sour. He cleaned the area around the room with a small amount of soap, and re-wrapped it with fresh bandages. 

“There we go, bug, it’s all cleaned up now.” Janus said, putting Virgil on the toilet seat and starting to look for any kind of medicine that would help. 

“I feel yucky mama, I’m cold.”

“I know, some icky germs got inside the booboo, and they made you sick.” Shit, shit they didn’t have any medicine left. Fuck. Hopefully he’d get something tomorrow, when the groceries came. 

He picked Virgil up again. “Okay. Let’s get back to bed, you need to rest.”

Virgil squirmed in his arms. He was all sweaty, cold, his stomach was icky, and his nose was dripping. He wiped his nose on Jan’s shirt, and pulled at the legs of his pants. “New clothes, mama, please?” He asked. 

Mama smiled, coming into Virgil’s room. He changed his pants into a pair that wasn’t quite so sweaty, and Virgil was plopped down in his crib while mama went to make him some formula. Since it was incredibly nutritious, it was the perfect sick-day meal for a little one when it would take too long to make broth. 

He came back up with a bottle and some cubes of cheese as a bit more of a real snack. 

Virgil ate as best he could, but he was already feeling tired again. He had mama feed him the bottle after his eyes started falling shut. 

After his breakfast, he fell back asleep, curling up in his blankets, spider legs twitching and flicking as he dreamed. 

Janus leaned over him for a while and watched. Poor thing, hopefully tomorrow he’d be right as rain. 

—————

Virgil didn’t get better. Virgil got worse. 

No medicine was delivered on Monday and Virgil only got more and more sick as the wound grew more and more infected. Soon, he could barely keep down water without vomiting. His temperature hovered somewhere around 104 degrees at all times, his stitches constantly felt hot and achy, the poor thing was miserable. Both mother and child nearly broke down the first time he had to drain pus from the inflamed cuts. 

All of Janus’ attention was on Virgil. Remus went without any sort of structure or routine. Food wasn’t made, spaces weren’t cleaned. 

By Tuesday, Janus decided to drink to calm down. He just… one break, please. One second without screaming, crying, vomit or pus-filled wounds. 

He didn’t want the bottle to become that for him, truly he didn’t, but… what else was he supposed to do?

So, after Remus was in bed and he had cleaned Virgil’s back  _again_ ,  he started sipping whisky. 

He didn’t know what he was going to do if Virgil didn’t recover soon. Much longer in this condition and it was likely he wouldn’t survive… 

No. Don’t think about that. 

He took another sip of whisky. 

—————

Virgil woke up with a scream, calling desperately for his mama. He threw up over himself, too weak to move out of the puddle of vomit. His back was on fire, but he was freezing. He was so sick, so horribly horribly sick. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, where was his mama?!

He fell back asleep, and didn’t wake. 

—————

Janus finished his drink. 

He should… he should check on Virgil. Make sure he wasn’t dead yet. 

Maybe he was a little too drunk for this. 

He opened the door to Virgil’s room. God, something smelled. You’d think since he had his nose in pus and vomit so much the past few days he’d be used to it. 

Virgil was facedown. In a puddle of vomit. His breaths were coming in wheezy heaves. 

Every drop of alcohol left Janus’ body.   
  
He screamed, ran over to the crib, picked Virgil up and tried to shake him awake. But his baby might as well have been a limp ragdoll with how unresponsive he was.

No. No no no no no. This wasn’t good, Virgil couldn’t die! He can’t, not when Janus had worked so hard to keep him alive! 

He made up his mind. He had to do something to help Virgil, and fast. He grabbed the first shirt he saw and tugged it over him to hide the bandages, then scooped Virgil up into his arms. 

Running as fast as he could, outside, through the woods, the whole time watching his baby’s flushed, vomit-covered face for any sign of awareness. 

He grit his teeth and glued his eyes to the path ahead of him. He had to get to the light side. Now. 

—————

Patton was cleaning the living room when Janus burst through the door. 

He was covered in vomit, eyes wide and frantic, clutching a baby in his arms so tight it was like he would shatter if he let go.

“Patton please I’m so sorry please help, please.” He begged, eyes shining with tears of shame. “He’s dying, he’s- please, he’s so sick, I need antibiotics, please.”

Patton’s mouth hung open. Deceit, at his doorstep. Deceit, begging for help. 

_Deceit, selfishness, begging for help._

Patton couldn’t turn him away. That was just about the meanest, most immoral thing right now.

“Come in, please.” He said quickly, ushering Janus inside. 

The three went to the bathroom, Janus crying silent tears, eyes fixed on Virgil struggling to breathe. Patton cleaned the vomit off the child’s face and snapped to change him into a set of new, wonderfully soft pyjamas. Then, he summoned a bottle full of liquid tinted a light pink, and a syringe. 

“So, they’re taken orally-“ he started to explain, before Janus interrupted him. 

“He- he isnt keeping anything down, he’s been vomiting everything, even water, that’s why he’s so weak…” Janus admitted, letting out a sharp cry as Virgil coughed, wheezing as he struggled to take a breath. 

“Okay. That’s okay.” Patton said calmly. He had to handle Deceit with care, given just how upset and frantic he was. So frantic, apparently, his head wasn’t clear enough for him to be able to summon medicine. “I’ll just give him nausea medication first.” Patton easily switched out the antibiotics for a different bottle, full of clear liquid this time. “How much does he weigh?” He asked, looking at the doses on the label. 

“26 pounds.” As he filled the syringe, Janus tried to take deep breaths and relax. 

How could he? How horrible of a parent was he, not even hearing his child’s cries because he just had to get fucking drunk?! Virgil must’ve cried out to him, must’ve tried to get him to help, and he didn’t pay any attention!

Patton handed him the syringe, which snapped him out of his head.“You just push it into his mouth, and he should swallow. If he doesn’t we will have to inject it.”

He fumbled with the syringe before getting it in Virgil’s mouth and gently pushing on the stopper. As the liquid entered his mouth, Virgil suckled like a hungry piglet. 

Janus breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god. Maybe, maybe he’d survive this after all. 

After that was done, Patton gave him a different syringe and a bottle of something. “That’s the antibiotics. Twice a day, until the bottle’s empty. I marked the dose for you.” Janus took note of the small line on the barrel of the syringe, to which the liquid was currently filled. 

He gave Virgil his first dose, slowly letting the boy drink. Sitting there, Virgil in his arms, sweaty and flushed, completely exhausted with fever, barely breathing, he felt a protective wave come over him. 

Virgil would never be hurt like this again. He’d make sure of it. 

Something caught his eye in his peripheral vision. He glanced over. 

There was a tube of polysporin on the floor. A antibacterial salve. 

That could be Virgil’s saviour. 

Slowly, so Patton wouldn’t notice, he summoned a third arm and scooped the tube up off the floor. 

This could singlehandedly save his baby. A flutter of hope stirred in his chest. _Maybe._

What a powerful word. A lot of things can happen in a maybe. Good things and bad things, “maybe” contains all the things in the world.   


The dose was finished, and Virgil fell into an uneasy sleep again.

Janus could’ve sobbed. Thank god, thank heaven, thank whoever was Up There. 

Patton wanted them to say in the bathroom to monitor Virgil’s condition for a bit. Thank god that Logan wasn’t here, at least Pat didn’t ask questions about  why  Virgil was sick. Perks of working with morality, he just helped people unconditionally. 

After a few minutes of tense silence, Virgil’s breathing went back to normal. He was still limp and feverish, but he was breathing. 

Janus wanted to cry with relief. He might’ve been drunk or too exhausted to think or just elated, but he wrapped Patton in a hug. With his shirt stained with vomit, he hugged Patton tight and whispered “thank you.”

—————

The next day, Virgil woke up. 

Still sick as a dog, but awake. Janus gave him his second dose of antibiotics, cleaned and bandaged the wound, and helped him eat a small amount of soup. 

Each day he seemed to get up a little more. By day three on antibiotics, he was moving around. He was eating and drinking regularly, and slowly regaining his strength. 

Janus used the stolen antibacterial cream on Virgil’s wound and was overjoyed with the progress. It no longer stank like rotting flesh, the pus and fluid disappeared, and the stitches were healing nicely. 

Within no time, his fever broke, and the infection went down. Virgil was left with a nasty case of the sniffles and an upset tummy, but nothing a little Janus famous healing broth couldn’t help. 

Janus stirred in some ginger, peppermint and chamomile into chicken broth. Some orange juice for the vitamin C, thank god the Mindscape had given him oranges. After it was nice and hot, he strained out all the herbs, dumped in a healthy amount of honey so Virgil would actually drink it, and carefully brought it up to the boy’s room. 

Remus was sitting with him, telling him about the raccoon he found in the garden and how he defended the carrots from her assault. Virgil was listening with utmost attention, eyes wide.

Janus chuckled. Given that the boy hadn’t been outside in over a week, it must seem incredibly interesting. He gave Virgil the broth and asked how he was feeling. 

“Good!” He chirped. “My back isn’t hot anymore, and my head only hurts a little bit, and I really really wanna go out and play!”

Janus sighed. Trouble was, if Virgil got even one speck of dirt back in his wound, the infection would worsen again. “Drink all your broth and I’ll think about it.”

Virgil clapped his hands and took the bowl from Janus, drinking as fast as his stomach let him. 

After he was done, he looked at Janus expectantly. 

Janus sighed and had to give in. “Okay. BUT! I’m double wrapping your stitches, and you’ll be wearing several layers. No playing in the mud, and you get a bath as soon as you come inside.”

“Okay!” Virgil said, jumping into his mama’s arms to go have his bandages changed. 

—————

Outside, Janus tended to his plants while every so often wiping Virgil’s runny nose. The toddler had been stuck inside far too long, so he was running laps around the planter boxes. 

Remus was running the opposite way, playing predator while Virgil was prey. Every now and then, Virgil had to switch directions to avoid being “caught.”

When his big bro managed to capture him, Virgil was subjected to the worst form of torture, tickle torture! 

Remus took Virgil over to a patch of grass and tickle tickle tickled him until he laughed so hard he cried. 

Janus sighed, shaking his head at the boy’s antics, but smiling nonetheless. Hopefully soon, Virgil would get to use the legs he went through all this trouble for. 


	3. A book about spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They attempt to steal a book about spiders

A few days after the bottle of antibiotics was finished, Janus was able to cut Virgil’s stitches. 

The spider legs twitched and wiggled as Janus poked the skin in between them with the cold scissors. Virgil flinched, but tried to stay as still as possible when the scissors snipped  down his back. 

“There we go buggy. You’re free.” Virgil cheered and clapped his hands, super super happy to be free of the bandages. He was covered in sensory hairs, and the bandages were always rubbing against them and bothering him. But now, he didn’t have to worry about that anymore!

He put on his hoodie again and ran off to find Remus. His older brother had  promised  to show Virgil how to climb walls!

—————

He didn’t learn how to climb walls. 

He got scared and couldn’t get a good grip, which made Remus frustrated, which made him yell at Virgil, which made Virgil cry-

Needless to say, by order of mama, they were in separate rooms.

Virgil curled up with his blanket and homemade stuffed bat named Bella that he got when he was a little baby. He didn’t play with her all the time, cuz he was too old for stupid baby toys, but sometimes when Remus would be mean he’d dig her out from under his bed and give her a good cuddle. 

He told Bella all about the legs and the getting sick and his failed attempt to climb the walls. 

“And then my back started feeling weird and-“ 

He paused. Wait… when  did his back start feeling weird? Cuz it wasn’t feeling like this earlier, or only venting to Bella had made him realize it. 

It felt kinda… crusty. He stuck his tongue out and shook. That made him think of crust on his sandwiches, which was  not  something he liked. But that was what it felt like. Thick and solid.

He hopped off his crib (the bars were down so he could move freely, mama only put them up at night so he wouldn’t go exploring) and headed to the bathroom so he could use the mirror. 

The spider legs helped to pull him up onto the counter. He braced his knees on each side of the sink basin and twisted, trying to see what was on his back. 

He saw the usual things. A nasty scar from the impromptu surgery a few weeks ago, four spider legs, and… 

Well, it looked like armour. Like all the knights in the cartoons Remus liked. It also looked like when Remus poked the weird thing mama’s ankle and he said it was a callous. It was apparently hardened skin to protect against wear and tear. Mama has them because his shoes rub against his feet. 

So maybe it was some sort or armour. That was so freaking cool! He was like a real knight! A protector, just like mama said! His job was to keep Thomas safe, he deserved some armour!

Good thing it wasn’t a problem, that way he didn’t have to tell mama and make him worry. He could just let it continue to grow and he’d tell mama if anything weird happened or it’s started hurting. 

Good. He hopped off the sink and went back to his room to continue talking to Bella. 

He stopped, waiting in the doorway. Remus was in his room. He clearly trying to hide, but the amount of tentacles under the bed made it pretty obvious. 

“Ree get out.” Virgil said, coming forward and poking a tentacle with his foot. 

Remus’ face popped out from under the bed. “Can you read?” He asked, not bothering to answer why he was under Virgil’s crib. 

“No. I’m three.” Virgil responded, sitting back on the bed with the blanket over his legs. 

“Aww. I can’t either.”

“Why can’t you read? You’re 7.”

Remus crawled out from under the crib and stood up with his hands on his hips. “Mama keeps saying he’ll teach me and then forgetting.” He said, brushing dust off his knees. 

“Oh.” Virgil looked down at his feet and thought for a moment. “Why we talking about reading?”

“Because I wanted to learn about spiders.”

“Oh.” Something clicked in Virgil’s tiny brain. “Ohhhh.” He wanted to learn about spiders cuz Virgil  was  a spider. 

“Yeah. You, me, and mama should learn about spiders so we know about you. Like, normal spiders can eat bugs, do you think you can eat bugs?”

“I dunno.”

“See?! We should find a book with stuff about spiders, and mama can read it to us each night.”

Virgil frowned and crossed his arms. “How do you know mama can read.” He said, with as much attitude a three year old can muster. 

“He reads recipes and labels and stuff, idiot.”

“Oh.” He took a second to recoup and think about more of his questions. “How do you- where- where are you gonna get a book like that.”

Remus’ grin grew until it stretched across his whole face and almost split his cheeks open. “Logic’s room.”

Virgil froze. “No!” He said quickly. “Mama said to never go there! The light side is bad!” That lesson was drilled into their brains from as young as they could remember. Remus was crazy, this was crossing a line!

“Oh cmon! Do you wanna know about spiders or not!”

“Not that much! Not if we hafta steal!” 

“Come onnnnnnnnnn…” Remus drawled, swinging from side to side with his hand on Virgil’s bed frame. 

“You just wanna get in trouble! Like mama said! You’re mist- mist-cha-vous!” He spat, struggling around the word. 

Remus wrinkled his nose. “Mischievous?”

“Yeah! It’s super risky!”

He kicked the dirty floor of the room and crossed his arms. Virgil never wanted to do anything fun! “Oh cmon. Don’t be a baby.” He said, frustrated now. “It won’t be hard, we just have to sneak into Logan’s room and take a book with a spider picture on it.”

“That is hard!” Virgil whined. There was no way he was ever gonna go through with this!

Remus stamped his foot and snarled. “Oh my godddd you’re such a baby!!!” Why did Virgil have to be so scared of everything! Why did he have to have a baby brother!

“Why do you need me to come?!”

Was it not enough that he just  wanted  him to? Some company, that was all. “Cuz you’re cute! No one can refuse you!” And, if they got caught, mama might not punish them as much, because Virgil was so precious. 

Every great heist needs a fall guy. 

Virgil’s face screwed up as tight as it could go. “Hnnghhh!” He growled in obvious anger. 

“What?” Remus snickered. 

Virgil balled up his fists and punched them hard into the mattress. “Don’t call me cute!” He screamed. He was not cute! He was Anxiety, the protector of Thomas!

“Or what? You’re gonna punch me with your adorable little baby hands?” Remus teased with his hands on his hips. 

“I’m not cute! I’m scary!!”

“Nah, you’re too small to be scary.” Remus could come up with much scarier, hulking monsters than Virgil. 

Virgil couldn’t take it any more! We wasn’t small, he wasn’t cute, ugh, Remus made him so MAD! 

He was gonna, he was gonna…

“HISSSSSS!”

Remus blinked in shock. “…what the hell was that.” 

That did nothing? That was is fiercest attack!   


Now Virgil was frustrated. “Go away and stop calling me cute!”

“Was that a hiss?!” Remus could hardly contain his laughter.

Tears welled up in Virgil’s eyes. Remus thought it was stupid?! That was supposed to be terrifying! “Stop it! Stop laughing!”

“Aww, you’re even cuter when frustrated!”

Virgil had reached the end of his rope. He spiralled into tantrum-throwing zone. “GO AWAY! I’m not going to Logan’s room, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna!!” He screamed, punching the mattress and kicking his feet in frustration. 

Remus knew he had pushed it a little too far. “Jeez. Okay. You’re no fun.” He spat, sort of annoyed that Virgil wouldn’t be coming with him. He sighed deeply just to hammer home how annoying Virgil was being, and left. 

Virgil grabbed Bella and threw himself under the covers. He hated fighting. Especially with Remus. He’s such a poopy butt, saying crazy stuff like going to Logic’s room. 

…would he be crazy enough to go alone?

He would! He would totally! Maybe that’s why he asked Virgil, cuz he was actually scared and wanted company to go with him!

Oh no! No no no no! That was a hundred times worse! 

…maybe Virgil should go with him.

—————

And that’s how they ended up here. 

Mama was busy in the garden and wouldn’t be finished for a few hours at least. He said they could go play in the woods as long as they were careful and back by dinnertime. 

They were at the light house, after trekking through the forest and into the large, peaceful meadow with the quaint little house in the middle. 

“They have a swing set.” Virgil whispered. “Why don’t we have a swing set?”

“Shhh.” Remus spat. “We have to be quiet.”

Virgil stood behind a tree in the hard while Remus crept up to the house and peered in the front window. He looked all around the large, clean main floor, but Patton was no where to be found. 

“Logan! I’m taking Roman for a walk!”

Shit! Remus hid himself in the bushes as he heard footsteps walking out the front door and down the cobblestone path. He peered through the leaves to see a taller man mama’s age and a boy around his age running ahead of him. 

Perfect! Logic was the only one left in the house!

After the sides were far away, he ran back to Virgil. 

They snuck up to the front of the house and opened the door carefully so it wouldn’t creak. 

“Okay. Remember, up to his room, book with a spider on it, quickly as possible.” Remus whispered and Virgil nodded. 

“What if he’s in his room?”

Remus scoffed. “What kind of kid spends all their time in their room?”

—————

Logan was close to approaching the 5 hour mark of time spent in his room that day.

He was helping Thomas with school, mostly, if only Roman would stop distracting him and making him doodle all over his work. 

He was making a special note to remember the teacher’s lesson on the rain cycle when he heard footsteps outside his door. 

Hmmm. Roman and Papa shouldn’t be back yet. 

“We just have to take the book with a picture of a spider-“

His door opened up to reveal…

Remus, who really shouldn’t be here, and… a little boy with big, sunken eyes and soft pale cheeks. Younger than Remus by a fair bit, he was quite adorable. 

They froze, seeing Logan at his desk staring back at them. 

“Woah!” Remus shouted and the small boy screamed. 

“There’s no need to yell.” Logan said. “What are you doing here?”

Remus shielded the smaller boy from Logan. “W-We-we-“

“Can you try to speak properly?”

“We wanted a book!” Remus shouted.

Logan tilted his head. A book? Why, no one ever wanted to borrow a book from him! Roman wasn’t interested and Papa knew it all already, but these two hand come all the way from the dark side just for one of his books!

“Oh! That’s fine.” He slipped off his desk chair and went over to his bright blue bookshelf. “What book do you want? I have a ton of different ones on all the stuff Thomas knows.” He was so excited! It always was a little… well, he didn’t really know a lot of words to describe feelings, but he sometimes felt very small and… unimportant whenever he tried to read with Roman and he didn’t want to know facts, he just wanted to hear fantasy stories. It was… what was the word? Disappointing. 

But now, he had someone  seek him out  just to learn something! 

“Can- can we have a book on spiders…” the little one, still hiding behind Remus, said. 

Logan got distracted for a moment. “What’s your name? How old are you?”

“Anxiety, and I’m three.” 

“Awww, you must be the youngest side. That’s cute.” Logan really wasn’t an expert on what was considered cute, but he was pretty sure Anxiety fit the bill.

The little side scrunched up his face and let out a low growl. Hmm. He must not like being called cute, no matter how much of a fact it was. 

“Spider book please.” Anxiety spat, holding out his hands while pouting in anger. 

“Oooh! Sure!” Logan crouched down and started looking. He found a national geographic book on spiders and pulled it out, thumbing over the pages. 

He’d have to be careful. These were still dark sides, what if they were only taking his book to ruin it?

“Okay. You can have it, BUT! You have to promise that you won’t hurt it. No tearing out pages, no throwing it, no colouring in it, okay?”

Remus nodded, reaching out for it. Logan still wasn’t sure why they needed to come here alone just for a book, but he got the feeling it was just for the sake of an adventure. 

He passed it to Remus. “You have to bring it back.” He couldn’t bear seeing his book in Remus’ filthy hands. “By tomorrow, okay?”

“I promise!” Remus chirped. “Pinky swear!”

Anxiety nodded enthusiastically and waved goodbye as the two left. Logan smiled faintly and went back to his notes. 

—————

They were back by the time mama said! Remus had stuffed the book in Virgil’s hoodie (which also was used to hide his spider legs so Logan wouldn’t see) so they could hide what they did from Mama. They made sure to get super muddy so it was believable that they just spent an hour playing in the woods. 

Mama called out for them and they ran back. Virgil used his spider legs to grip the book under his hoodie as Remus got checked for fleas, tics, and other bites. Mama only checked around Virgil’s ankles for tics. 

Then, they went inside. 

“How’s soup for dinner sound, huh boys?”

“Sounds good.” Remus said, taking off his shoes. 

“Good, cuz it’s all we have. Oh, and Virgil, sweetie?”

“Yeah?”

“Clean up your room please, your bed is a mess and there’s toys all over the floor.” 

“Okay mama.” He scuttled upstairs to his room and hid the book under his pillow. Then, he tucked his blanket in, put Bella back under the bed, and pushed his wooden block toys back into the corner. 

Remus’ plan was to say that the book just showed up. Mama would be happy, Remus would get to learn to read, and Virgil would learn about spiders. 

It was a win-win!

He flapped his hands, smacking his knees and bouncing in his joy. He got to learn about his animal! Finally!

Speaking of which. His legs felt weird again. 

He pulled off his hoodie and stretched them out, shaking and wiggling them until they felt right. The weird armour thing must’ve grown more too, but it still didn’t hurt or anything. 

He bounced a little more. He was just happy! And he loved bouncing on his bed! He felt better and he got a book and he can bounce bounce bounce as much as he wants!

He started letting out little squeals as he bobbed up and down. The door to his room creaked open and Mama came inside with some laundry. 

“Hey baby I’ve got some clothes for you- oh! Do I have a bouncy little boy?!” Janus put the clothes to the side and went to scoop up Virgil. Virgil squealed as Mama held him under his bum and around his waist and started to bounce him up and down. This was even better! His spider legs wiggled as he giggled with joy. 

“How about we find your brother and watch some cartoons, huh?”

“Cart-oohs!” Virgil screamed, kicking and squealing with joy. Janus held him at a safe distance so he could kick and flap his hands as much as he wanted while they went downstairs. 

Janus could tell Virgil would probably be overwhelmed soon, even if it was from an overload of positive emotions, so he made sure to grab his comfort hoodie and Bella in case he wanted to take a nap after all his excitement. 

But first, they had cartoons to watch. 

—————

Virgil was sleeping on Janus’ chest, holding Bella while Janus ran his hand through his hair. It was getting rather long. Maybe next bath day he’d try cutting it again. 

Remus was watching courage the cowardly dog quietly, at least for now. Janus looked at the dirty bowls from dinner and decided to clean them tomorrow. 

“Mama.” Remus whispered. 

“Yes sweetie?”

“A book showed up today. In Virgil’s room.”

Janus blinked in shock. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I think it’s about spiders.” 

“Well, that’s odd, but I’m not complaining.” Janus liked free stuff, because it was free, and he was broke. 

Remus fiddled with the fraying edge of his pants. “Do you think we can read it together?” He asked quietly. 

“Hmm.” An odd request from Remus of all people, but he was always unpredictable like that. “Virgil would have to be put down for a nap and it’d just be us.” 

“That’s ok. Um, you’ve spent a lot of time with Virgil and… I miss you.” He said, a little shyly. 

Janus deflated. Of course, he was spending anawful amount of energy on Virgil lately. Remus deserved some one-on-one time with his mama. 

“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie. Come with me and we’ll get that new book and read it together, okay?”

Remus hopped down and ran ahead to Virgil’s room. He found the book under his pillow and quickly propped it up so it looked more like it had just shown up there. 

Janus joined him and started to tuck Virgil into bed. The sleeping toddler rolled over onto his stomach and curled around his stuffed bat.

“Is this the book?” He said, picking up the book and looking at the cover. 

“Yup.” Remus said, pulling on Jan’s shirt. “Let’s go read it!” 

The two snuggled up on Remus’ bed, Remus in Janus’ lap as he held the book out in front of him. He breathed in the smell of his mama, like bread, dirt and lemony cleaning products, as he started to read.

“Spiders are a part of a larger group called arachnids…”


	4. Intrusive thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus’ brain starts being very, very mean to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I revisited this for the first time in a while and decided I actually didn’t need to edit it as much as I thought

The next day, Virgil tried to climb on the walls again. 

Which was… a process. 

Janus was keeping an eye on them from the couch, where he was sewing together old baby clothes, cut into squares, into a quilt for Virgil. Every so often he’d look up to make sure they hadn’t died, but he was mostly leaving them alone. 

“Okay, do you feel like you’ve got a good grip?” Remus asked from where he was crouched on the floor, hands as a step stool for Virgil. His little socked feet shifted left and right trying to stay steady. 

Virgil had his four spider legs planted on the wall, his hands out for balance, but all his weight was carried by the long, spindly appendages. 

“I-I think so-“

“Okay!” Thank god he could be done with this. Remus wasn’t a good teacher. “I’m gonna boost you up in three- two-“

He threw Virgil up as hard as he could. 

The toddler screamed. “REMUS!” He shrieked, terrified as he scrambled to get a grip on the wall. “You said you would go on three, two, one! You went on two!”

Remus snickered. “You’re up there, aren’t you? So it doesn’t matter.”

Sure enough, Virgil was up about three feet off the floor and clinging to the wall with a sort of terrified desperation. 

He didn’t dare look down, even though he wasn’t scared of heights, he didn’t want to develop the fear. 

“What do I do now?!”

“Okay.” Remus tried to explain this in as much detail as he could remember from whenever he climbed. “Put your weight on your back legs, then reach the front one up, grab the wall again, and pull yourself up higher.”

Virgil gulped, taking a deep breath as he shakily reached his leg up as high as he dared, which wasn’t very high. He struggled to get a good grip again, but once he did-

“That’s it! You’re doing it!” 

Well now this wasn’t very hard, Virgil thought, as he brought the back leg up, successfully moving a few inches up the wall. 

Up, up, up, this was fun! One leg at a time, only moving a few inches, but with his newfound confidence he felt secure enough to move faster. Soon, he was almost at the ceiling. 

“No more room.” He said, tapping one of his legs on the ceiling. 

“So go sideways. Just reach out to the left.”

Virgil tried that, and quickly realized that it was much harder to walk sideways. But, if he reached out to the side… but lifted his back legs up a bit-

Oh… now that gravity was pulling him sideways, this was a little harder. But being parallel to the floor just gave him so much more wall to work with! 

Remus, being cautious, summoned his tentacles and held them out in case Virgil was to fall. 

He watched his brother carefully and slowly crawl across the wall, gaining speed and distance as he progressed. 

Then Virgil looked down. 

He froze, terrified, as the floor suddenly seemed so, so far away. 

“Ree you’re gonna catch me if-if I slip right?”

“Yeah, I’m right under you, no worries.” 

He could see that. He could see Remus, all the way down on the floor…

The blood drained out of his face. “O-okay. Cuz I wanna get down now.”

“You wanna climb down?”

“No.” Virgil shook his head. “I wanna- I want- you come get me.” He couldn’t move an inch, no, he had to keep his grip as tight as possible so he wouldn’t fall!

Remus flexed his tentacles, deciding he would need about 3 of them to lift Virgil. That gave him 5 to get himself up there, which was more than enough. 

He didn’t know why he had 8 tentacles when Virgil only had 4 legs, when their animals had the same number of limbs. 

Anyway he easily got up there, two legs on the ceiling, two on the wall, and one serving as extra support, almost like a chair so he could lean back and use the other three to scoop up Virgil. 

The poor thing was shaking with fright. 

“Hey, it’s okay! You did super well!”

“I dunno- I got really scared when I looked down.”

“Well you did great! And you had to do that turny-thing, which seems like it’d be really hard.”

Virgil made a whiny noise and curled up into Remus’ hold. The tentacles curled around his (human) legs and held under his bum, one went around his waist and the other went around his chest and stuck out so Virgil could hold it like a handle as Remus climbed down. He winced at tiny little fingers painfully gripping the appendage, but he said nothing as he climbed down with ease. 

“There we go, safe and sound.”

Virgil took a second to try and get his footing, before plopping down on his butt. 

Janus looked up from his sewing. “Anyone hurt?”

“No.” The boys said in unison. 

“Good.” He pulled up another stitch. “Anyone hungry, tired, has to go to the bathroom, etc?”

“No.”

“Great. Continue.” 

Virgil looked at his brother expectantly. “I wanna make a pillow fort now.” He said, struggling up onto his feet. 

“Ooh! So we can play knights and dragons?” That was Remus’ favourite game, even though apparently it could be too much for Virgil sometimes. He got in his own head a lot and ended up crying because he thought he had really killed Remus. 

Virgil shrugged. He didn’t really care, actually, but he wouldn’t mind playing for a bit. “Okay.” 

Janus barely looked up as he moved off the couch and to the worn down rocking chair, continuing his sewing. 

The boys lugged pillows off the couch and maneuvered them into their fort position, which had been perfected after many games of knights and dragons. Once that was done, the stage was set. 

A ferocious green dragon lived in the castle and was keeping the prince captive! He was armed with his fiery breath and no knight had ever managed to save the prince before. But now, Virgil the Brave, was going to do what no knight had ever done before!

“Hisssss! I am the dragon of the west! I want this prince to cook him over the fire until he’s delicious and juicy!” Remus howled, snapping his fangs and stomping his feet. 

Virgil got a little startled at the noise, but brandished his cardboard sword anyway. “No! Not today dragon!” 

“Haha! I’m not just a dragon, I’m actually a dragon WITCH!” Remus cackled, grabbing a couple folded up socks which were his “spells.” 

Virgil gasped! He had never fought a dragon witch before!

“I cast steal your bellybutton! Ha! It’s gone now!” He screeched as he hit Virgil will a sock. Virgil shrieked and hid behind one of the pillows. Readying his sword, he charged at the dragon! 

One, two, he managed to hit the dragon’s arm! But then…

The sock made contact. “Haha! That was a spell to take your kneecaps! You can’t walk anymore!”

Virgil collapsed to the ground dramatically as Remus revelled in his victory. And he only lost an arm! And since he was a dragon witch he could grow it back just fine. 

“Okay Virgil do you wanna play again?” He asked. 

There was no response. 

Virgil still hadn’t moved from his position face down on the floor. Remus poked him with his toe. “Virrrrrrgil!”

A shadow came over the fort and Remus looked up to see mama peering over them both. “Oh, looks like someone is ready for naptime!” He reached in, grabbing Virgil around his waist and pulling him up like a claw machine. 

Remus pouted and whined. “Why does he have to go! We were playing!”

“Sorry Rem, he’s tired.” As though to prove that point, Virgil yawned and stuck his thumb in his mouth. 

“But we were just playing! I only defeated him once!” Remus scowled, crossing his arms. 

Janus could tell this wouldn’t end well if he didn’t get Remus to calm down. “Hey, how about you and I spend some time outside while Virgil naps, huh? You can play in the dirt as much as you want!” It was a weak promise, but anything to stop Remus from waking Virgil up in the middle of his nap. 

Remus paused to consider this. “Okay… that’s fine I guess.” 

Janus nodded and told Remus to sit as he took Virgil upstairs. He noticed the way the crib wobbled and bit his lip. He’d be expecting a new one soon. 

Virgil was hesitant to lay down, sitting up every time Janus put him on his stomach. “Ree is upset.” He said, pouting. “I’m not tired anymore- I don’t want Remus to be upset-“

Janus continued chewing on his lower lip, attempting to figure out what to do. 

“I’m sorry love, I know it sucks to be so much younger than him. Things that don’t wear him out wear you out, and that’s okay! It just means you have to rest more.”

Something downstairs fell with a crash. Janus went very pale, shushing Virgil and running to the door. 

Remus really was upset. Shit, he should’ve stayed to watch him, what if he was hurt or something?

No. Wait. Focus. Put Virgil to bed. 

“Oh no, I think your brother’s causing trouble again.” He said with an exaggerated sigh, tucking Virgil under the blanket and kissing his forehead to send him to sleep. He heard a whine of worry from the bundle in the bed, but he had to get downstairs. 

He ran down to the living room. “Remus Creativity Sanders what was that-“

Remus was in the kitchen. Stomping on an already broken dish. 

That must’ve been what made the crash. Janus was more concerned, however, about the huffing, enraged seven year old grinding the plate shards into dust. 

“Woah, Rem, let’s take a breather, okay?” Remus turned to look at him, eyes wide and fearful. He was shaking in his muddy sneakers, with anger or fear Janus couldn’t tell. 

“Go away!” He screamed.

He had to get Remus away from the broken play, he could hurt himself far too easily. 

“Let’s get out of the kitchen, okay? Do you want to go to the living room or your bedroom? Or my bedroom?”

Remus growled and Janus instantly regretted giving him a choice. “Let’s go to the living room, okay? We can cuddle and talk.” 

Janus carefully crossed the floor and attempted to pick him up, but stopped as the growling grew harsher, almost as though Janus was revving up a lawnmower. 

“Now Remus, this isn’t appropriate behaviour at all!”

“Go away!” He spat. “Go upstairs and get Virgil so we can play.”

He couldn’t help feeling like Remus was overreacting. His brother not being able to play with him wasn’t a rare occurrence, what was  up with him today?

Janus had enough. He ignored the growling, scooped Remus up and plopped them both down on the couch for a talk. 

“Baby, what’s wrong? I know you didn’t want Virgil to go but-“

“He finally got to play with me! We were having fun! And then you took him away!”

Remus was very sensitive to rejection and being left alone. Janus knew that, it was a side effect of the split that he was sure would be with Remus for his entire life. 

“I didn’t take him away, love, he was tired. He can’t play as long as you, okay?”

Remus didn’t respond. He just looked at the fade couch cushions, brows knitted together and lip pouting. 

“Love, what’s wrong?”

Remus whined, and to Janus’ surprise he pressed his palms into his temples, grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled. 

“No no no- no-“

Janus sprung into action, pulling Remus into his chest and shushing him. “Hey, it’s okay. Hands off the hair, yeah, that’s it. Let’s take deep breaths and stretch our fingers out, okay?” 

Remus clearly didn’t want to stop pulling at his hair, whimpering and struggling out of Janus’ grip as best he could with no hands. 

“Love, we don’t tug out our hair, okay?” Janus looked around for a substitute and landed on one of the couch pillows. “Let’s squeeze this, okay?”

Thank god, Remus looked at the pillow curiously and shakily removed his hands from his hair, accepting that suggestion. He gripped the pillow with iron strength, clearly still in distress. 

“What’s wrong, love?”

Remus hummed and went to hug around the pillow. This was odd, Remus never was this shy, wanting to hide behind things. 

“Okay, can you point to the part that’s wrong?” Was he hungry, thirsty, sick-

Remus pointed to his brain. 

Oh. Oh no. 

“Does it hurt, or is it sad?”

That got a head shake. 

“Is it angry? Scared?”

He had to think more this time, but still a head shake. 

Janus was running out of emotions. “Are you feeling something yucky?”

A head shake.

“Are you having bad thoughts?”

Yes! A nod! Finally, Jan was getting closer. 

“About what, love? Yourself? How you look?”

More shaking of the head. “Scary.” The boy spoke up, sounding so much smaller than he should. 

Oh. Oh no. Janus paled, he thought he had time…

“I don’t wanna talk about them.” Remus mumbled, pressing his face into the soft pillow. 

“Is this why you were upset about Virgil leaving?”

“Um- yeah, kinda, the bad thoughts said he would get- get hurt. Or something was gonna come take him away and then I’d never see him again, and they got really loud and really scary so I broke a plate to make them stop, because that’s what they said to do, but they only stopped for a little bit and then you came down and I growled at you! I’m sorry!” Remus’ eyes were tear-filled and frantic, looking like he was waiting for a punishment. 

Like Janus would punish him for anything! “Oh no love, don’t worry about that! And don’t worry about the plate either, I won’t punish you for trying to cope with something you don’t understand.”

Remus flopped into his mama’s lap, facedown and nose shoved in the crack between his thighs. “They’re being very mean to me…”

“The thoughts?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Do you want to talk to me about them?”

“No! They’re scary! They’ve gotta stay inside so they don’t do anything!”

“Okay, okay, shhhh. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Remus balled up Janus’ shirt in his tiny hands and whimpered. Janus sighed, feeling the poor thing shake. He never saw Remus this distressed, everything always seemed to roll off his back like it didn’t matter. 

“Can I go see Virgil? I-I gotta make sure he’s okay.”

He didn’t know what was going on in his little monster’s head, but he knew he could help with that. Carrying Remus on his hip, he went to Virgil’s room and pushed open the door. 

The little thing was sleeping soundly, not even a nightmare. 

“See, Rem? He’s okay. He’s safe.” 

He could feel Remus relax in his arms. “Kay. That’s good.”

“Are the thoughts a little quieter?”

“Mmhmm.”

“You wanna go watch some cartoons?”

“Kay.”


End file.
